Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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