Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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