her vagine was all disorganized.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
