I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he fucked my hip out of place.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I AM VODKA MAN
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize