bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
