We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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