Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
