He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
