i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
