Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
