Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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