He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize