Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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