why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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