So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
