so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
