im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
