I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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