Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
