i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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