Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
