Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
