You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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