When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
