How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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