Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I enjoy the company of your penis
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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