I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
