We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
