Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My pussy is not your playground.
He felt like a one man threesome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
