I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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