4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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