you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
