it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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