I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
