Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
