There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
