He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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