And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I looked at my own cervix.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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