Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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