Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
