You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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