Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
