next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
