no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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