He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
