We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize