Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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