the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
