Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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