Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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