3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize