if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
