Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
