This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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