but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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