She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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