Can Purell be used as lube?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
