New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
