every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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