Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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