Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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