Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize