My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize