and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
