we have officially mastered the walk of shame
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
