If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize