Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
