can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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